It is with great pleasure that we are introducing you to local author Kate Johnstin and her book HELD, as our Vendor Highlight this season.
HELD has quickly become a favorite among our team and customers, and this book will touch your heart in ways you would not expect. When you first read it, for the first half of the book you feel held, and for the second half, you feel understood. It is a beautiful read on a quiet day, a truly heartfelt gift, and a book you will return to again and again.
From one of our readers:
"This book made me feel seen and understood in so many ways! It’s so comforting to know there are other people like me in this unpredictable world."
You can find Kate's book at the shop and in our online store.
Hi! Where do we find you right now?
How has your day unfolded so far?
My mornings usually start with a cup of coffee, followed by a 30-minute walk. At least most days. Right now, I’m at home. My two young daughters have less than two weeks left of summer, and with camps officially done, we’ve been trying to soak up these last days with some fun activities and crafts together before school starts. My days tend to be a mix of being a mom, writing, making jewelry and working on different creative projects. No two days look exactly the same, which I actually love.
Let's start at the beginning... What did you want to do or be as a child?
For as far back as I can remember, I’ve always been a dreamer. As a little girl, I loved imagining what could be, and at 38 years old, I don’t think that part of me has changed. I still love living in a world of dreams and possibilities. It’s what drives me, and it’s such a big part of who I am and how I see the world. I specifically remember one summer, when I was around ten years old. My parents had about 70 acres of land, and I would lie out in our field of tall grass, watching the clouds pass above me and imagining a future that felt so far away from where I was. I dreamed of being a model in New York City. Sometimes even now, it’s hard for me to believe that became part of my story. I dreamed of becoming a mom. I dreamed of falling in love with someone who would love me unconditionally. I dreamed of writing. I dreamed of so many things.
The details of those dreams have changed and evolved as my life has unfolded, but dreaming itself never really left me.
There was always another part of me that could imagine this big, beautiful life but wasn’t always sure I was capable of reaching it. For a long time, some of my dreams felt bigger than what I believed was possible for me. Maybe that’s part of why dreaming has remained so important to me. I’ve learned that we don’t always have to know exactly how we’re going to get somewhere. Sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to imagine that there might be more waiting for us without any immediate proof or evidence.
Do you see this childhood dream present in some shape or form today?
Absolutely. Almost all of it, actually, and somehow, even more than that! I became a model and had the opportunity to experience a world I used to imagine from that field as a little girl. I became a mom to two incredible daughters. I found a love that feels safe and unconditional. And now, I’ve written and published a book, something that lived inside of me as
a dream for a very long time.
But I don’t want to tell that story in a way that makes it sound like I dreamed these things and then they simply happened. The path here has been anything but easy. There have been seasons of loss, heartbreak, uncertainty, failure, and times when I completely lost sight of the girl who believed all of this was possible.
I think that’s what means the most to me now. My life doesn’t look exactly like the one that ten- year-old girl imagined. In many ways, it’s richer and more complicated. There is beauty here that I couldn’t have imagined then, but there has also been pain I never could have imagined. Over the years, I’ve learned that a beautiful life isn’t a life untouched by difficult things. Both can exist at the same time. And in a lot of ways, that understanding became the heart of HELD.
What is the origin story of your book? How and why did you start writing?
HELD really began several years before I ever sat down to write it.
My mom was very sick and spent about a month in the hospital. It was summer, a time when I would normally have been home with my girls, but instead I was spending hours and hours at the hospital with her. I needed something to do with my hands while I sat there, so I started making jewelry.
The very first pieces I made were simple beaded bracelets with words like strong, brave, and you can do this. I made them for my mom, for her nurses, and for other people I met while I was there. They were such small things, but the words meant something to the person receiving them. There was something about that feeling that stayed with me.
My mom passed away about a month later, and in the grief that followed, I dove headfirst into jewelry making. Eventually, I began engraving jewelry with affirmations, names, and words that held meaning for people. A year or two later, I felt a really strong pull to start donating some of those pieces, found Hazelden Betty Ford, and continued donating year after year. The letters and messages I received from people who were given those pieces affected me deeply. It was some of the most fulfilling work I had ever done.
But I also think the roots of HELD go back much further than the jewelry.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt a little different from others. More sensitive, emotional, and incredibly curious about people and about life. I was always the person wondering why. Whenever I went through something difficult, I found myself trying to understand it. For years, I kept notes in my journals and phone whenever something came to me. I think part of me was always afraid I would forget those little realizations and epiphanies that came from what I was experiencing once I was on the other side of them. I wanted to remember what something felt like while I was still close to it, what it taught me, what helped me through it, and what I didn’t want to lose with time.
Even before I knew when I would actually write a book, I would think, I need to write this down. So, in a way, I was collecting little pieces of HELD long before I knew exactly what it would become.
Especially after becoming a mom, and losing mine, I started thinking about what I wanted my daughters to have as they grew up and eventually faced their own beautiful and difficult seasons. I knew I couldn’t protect them from every heartbreak, loss, insecurity, rejection, or hardship, and I wouldn’t always have the right words in the moment. But maybe I could leave them some of the things life had taught me.
Somewhere along the way, I realized I had so much more to say than I could ever fit on a tiny pendant.
Then one day, the woman I had gotten to know through Hazelden said to me, “Kate, I really think you need to write a book.” And something about that conversation changed it from “someday” to “why not now?”
Once I started, so much of it just poured out of me.One idea would lead to another, and slowly I started recognizing different themes and seasons. I would think, “Oh, this belongs with grief, or this belongs with motherhood, or this fits with love or belonging”. Over time, those individual reflections began finding their places and the larger shape of the book emerged.
Every reflection in HELD is there for a reason. There isn’t a chapter that was added simply because I thought the book needed another topic. Every one of them is something I’ve genuinely pondered, experienced, questioned, or returned to many times in my own life. In many ways, writing the book was finally putting words around things I’d already been carrying with me for years.
Sometimes, we don’t need someone to tell us what to do next. Sometimes, we just need someone to sit beside us and say, I’ve been there. This is hard. You’re not the only one who has felt this. I think that’s really what I wanted HELD to offer. Not a roadmap for how to live your life, but a place to feel a little less alone while you’re living it.
There’s also another piece of the story that makes the name HELD especially meaningful to me.
The last photo I have of my mom and me together was taken while she was in the hospital. It’s a photo of our hands holding each other. On her wrist is one of those bracelets I had made for her. It says strong. I still have that bracelet. I keep it somewhere safe, and it means more to me than I could ever really explain.
When I look at that photograph now, there’s something about it that holds so much of what this book became. Two hands holding one another. A small word meant to give someone strength during an impossibly difficult time. Love, grief, hope, and the reminder that even in the moments when we can’t fix what is happening, we can still be there.
What was your favorite part in creating this book, and what was the most challenging part, and why?
It’s funny, because from the moment I really started writing HELD, I always knew I was going to finish it. I worked with an editor, I worked with a designer on the layout and cover, and throughout that process, I could picture the finished book in my hands. But actually putting it out into the world was something entirely different. There was a moment when it stopped being this very personal thing I was creating and became something anyone could read. Suddenly, people I knew, and people I had never met, were going to have access to some of my most personal thoughts and experiences.
That part was scary.
I think there was definitely a part of me wondering, What are people going to think? Will they understand it? Will any of this mean to someone else what it means to me? And without question, the thing that has surprised me most has been the response from readers. It still feels almost unbelievable sometimes that thoughts and feelings I’ve carried so privately for so long can resonate so deeply with another person. I’ve had people tell me they felt seen in something I wrote, or that a reflection helped them put words to something they were going through. Every time, it means more to me than I can really explain. There’s something incredibly beautiful about realizing that something deeply personal can also be universal. The things we sometimes think are ours alone are often the very things that connect us most to one another. And this experience has changed me. It made me realize that taking the things I’ve experienced, questioned, felt, and learned, and being willing to share them, isn’t just something I love to do. I genuinely believe it’s part of my purpose here. It makes me want to keep writing, keep going deeper, and keep being brave enough to share it.
What are the foundational values of your life? What is really important to you?
The foundational values of my life really begin with my family. Being a mom and a wife are the roles that matter most to me, and the older I get, the more I realize how much I value simply
being present for the life that is happening right in front of me. I’m also a dreamer and a doer. I have a lot of ideas, I’m very goal-driven, and when I’m excited about something, I want to run with it. I think having something to dream about and work toward has always been a really important part of who I am.
But I’m learning that I don’t have to do everything every day. I can be ambitious and still rest. I can be passionate about my work and still put it down. I can have big dreams for what’s ahead while also recognizing how many of my dreams have already come true. I’m living inside some of the things I once hoped for, and I never want to become so focused on what’s next that I forget to be present for what’s here.
I also really value growth, not perfection, but the willingness to keep learning from our lives and from one another. Even the experiences we never would have chosen can change the way we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us.
And probably underneath all of it is connection. Making people feel seen and understood. Being curious about their stories instead of assuming we know them. Creating things that mean something. Being there for the people I love. More and more, what matters to me is building a life that feels meaningful while also remembering to actually live it.
You describe Held as a collection of reflections to help others navigate life’s difficult and beautiful seasons. When you were going through the most difficult challenges, what helped you navigate the dark times?
I’m a feeler, so when I go through something difficult, I feel it deeply. I tend to observe what I’m feeling and sit with it rather than immediately trying to make it go away. With some of the biggest losses in my life, I could not have avoided processing or grieving them even if I had wanted to. My body wouldn’t let me. I’ve learned that sometimes, you have to let yourself feel what you’re experiencing rather than rush to get to the other side of it.
Creativity has probably been one of the things that has helped me most. Doing something with my hands while also engaging my mind gives my body space to process. There’s something incredibly therapeutic for me about turning toward creativity when life feels heavy.
Therapy has also been invaluable to me. Having someone who isn’t inside the situation, who can offer an unbiased perspective and help me see something I might not be able to see myself, has helped me navigate so many different seasons of my life.
Where do you find nourishment? What practices bring you joy and inspiration?
I find nourishment in a lot of simple things: moving my body and walking, almost always changes my state of mind, so I try to do it as much as I can. I love Pilates too.
I also feel most like myself when I’m creating. Writing, making something with my hands, cooking - anything that allows me to get absorbed in the process and quiet some of the noise.
Nature is incredibly restorative for me. I also love being near water, being outside, and having moments where I can just take in what’s around me.
I think what nourishes me most are the things that bring me back into the present moment. Moving, creating, cooking, writing, being outside: these get me out of my head and back into my life. They remind me to notice what’s here.
Thank you so much, Kate, for answering our questions with such honesty, and letting our community learn more about you!
You can find more information on Kate Johnstin's website, and follow her on social media.